Babies babies babies. Looks like this episode is all about babies. I love babies. Doesn’t everybody love babies? How can you not love a baby. Even a goat baby. Looks like this is going to be fun. As usual, I will rank the events depicted on the show using a scale of goats. Five goats is good. One goat is bad. At the end, the number of goats will indicate whether I am more or less likely to follow the Beekman Boys lead and leave New York City.

It’s winter at the farm. I hate winter everywhere but in Southern California. Upstate New York is not Southern California. One goat.

Farmer John is going away for hip replacement surgery. Forget that. If being a farmer and living in the country means your hips get destroyed, I don’t want to have anything to do with it. One goat.

Farmer John leaves instructions for Brent and Josh before he leaves for the hospital. The goats are all pregnant and might have the babies while he’s gone and its cold and he doesn’t want them to freeze. Brent asks about scarves for the goats. I laugh a little bit. Three goats.

Before Farmer John leaves, Brent and Josh tell him he can recover in the mansion. He normally lives in a little rancher. Ranchers are sort of depression. Mansions are not. Three cheers for mansions and charity! Four goats.

About thirty seconds after Farmer John leaves, the goats escape and start running wild. It’s cold. Brent and Josh have to catch them. No fun, though it might be in Southern California. Two goats.

Farmer John comes home. Brent, who is a doctor, agrees to help care for him and help guide him through his rehab. Brent’s philosophy is more pain, more gain. I’m more of a sit around and hope everything gets better kind of guy. Two goats.

Farmer John gets set up on the couch. It’s a nice couch. A big couch. He has some good blankets and pillows. I love nice big couches. I’m on one right now. Literally. Watching TV. Watching on a nice big couch is a truly wonderful activity. I’m excited for Farmer John and a little jealous. Suddenly, though, a bomb is dropped. There’s not TV. No TV? No TV? No TV? One goat.

Brent brings John some books. I love books. My life, in many ways, revolves around books. The books have all been chosen by Brent. Yikes. Two goats.

Brent does doctoring. He’s a good doctor. I’m very impressed with his doctoring. Until. Yes, there is an until. Until he tells Farmer John he has to sit on the couch and wrap some bars of soap. Where’s the TV? One goat.

Farmer John leaves the house. He can’t take rehabbing with no TV and the pile of soap and the more pain philosophy. Apparently, living in the country means you acquire common sense. Five goats.

Brent and John have a lovely moment making up after the couch debacle. Living in the country makes people nice. Four goats.

We’re 24 minutes into the episode and there are no babies yet. I see an ad for next week’s episode with shots of the new babies, which we haven’t seen yet in this episode. Bait and switch. Josh works in advertising and should know better. One goat.

Finally, baby goats. Very very cute. Five goats.

One of the goats has been in labor for six hours. Seems the little baby is breached. That’s not good for the little baby goat. Farmer John, however, shows some serious skills and gets the baby goat out. He’s a hero! Four goats.

And then he cries. Four more goats!!!

Brent Josh and Farmer John talk about working together to save the baby goat. The country breeds teamwork!!! Four more goats again.

Total number of categories: 16

Total number of goats: 44

Average number of goats: 2.75

By the hair of a baby goat, it looks like I’m moving to the country. I will be bringing a TV with me.

What goat rating did you give this episode?

by James Frey

Reader Comments

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Patricia Conley

James,

Farmer John was getting a hip replacement due to arthritis, not the farm. My brother got a new hip for the same reason and he hasn't been on a farm in years. Five goats for modern medicine which will allow Farmer John to care for the goats for years to come.

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Nathaniel Shell in D

When are you going to blog about last nights show, I'm so looking forward to your goat tally

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Kristine

To John Black, Bob Jackson, Nathaniel Shell…I loved your sense of humor…LOL!!! and for James Frey thank you for keeping it REAL 😉

Life is too crazy already…so a little humor will brighten the day!

Mary Lynne, I agreed Dr.Brent is a young George Stephanopoulous 🙂

Have a great day, everyone…until next time, ciao 🙂

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Mary Lynne

Robert and Connie–Roddy McDowell? C'mon–Brent is a younger brother to George Stephanopoulos!!!

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Andre Jones

I do agree with you Alan.

When the donkeys are loose, and the wire trips you, the pig digs up the neighbor's yard "fuck!" seems to relieve stress for the moment and completely describes the scene.

I am not a primmadonna, I mostly use that word between me and the sky if I can help it.

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Alan

Sometimes the word fuck is the most appropriate expletive to use, especially workin on a farm. It is only a word after all…all you precious people !! Salty language !!! Bah!!!! Its not nursery school here.

Boys…dog suggestion….Australian cattle dog. Great with all farm animals -furred and feathered (and kids and other people – although could be a little tetchy with precious people).

My friends in Colorado have one and they reakon he's the best.

Cheers from Australia again

Alan

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Sadie

Hey-Your language is refreshing. F censors. If the fn party poopers end up getting you voted off the farm- well, then f that. Get your own fn blog site and post all you want- plenty of sensible people who don't live like life's one big fn nursery school would read it. I love the show and goats but gee it's refreshing of you to balance out all the feely schmeely stuff.

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Sandy Winters

Love the commentary. James, please continue using the f word as you see fit. However, baby goats, birthing, and Farmer John deserve Five Goats. Each.

Wish the show was an hour. And the boys do need a good dog, or a even few–corgis, border collies (there would be a match for Brent).

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Maureen S.

O.K. Here's what: I'm from Oklahoma and would probably be described as being on the conservative side by most. Love Martha's taste (sorry James, M*****) but don't necessarily love M*****, dig Brooks Brothers suits (but love clamdiggers and worn sneakers), etc. You get the picture. But for some reason, every time our dear New Yorker James says f*** or some variation on f***, it really tickles my funny bone. Being a little naughty and irreverent while (I suspect) being a big mushpot for your wife, your children and your friends' success? Five goats

Your sense of humor is much like my family's…just, as you say, a tad more salty. Love Big City James and love the love fest going on out at Beekman. Watching the goat cam makes me smell warm hay. Best to all.

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Gail

I loved this episode – those adorable babies. I think Farmer John is great. I would have been a little cranky after hip surgery. It was so sweet when John and Brent made up.

I love James' comments too. And i even enjoy all the differing opinions on them. Isn't that what makes the world go 'round – that we're all different!

I look forward to the show every week, and find myself watching the old episodes over and over.

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Roger

I've had several friends go through hip replacement surgery so I know it's not an easy procedure to recover from. I'm guessing Dr. Brent has had more than just a few older patients at Mt. Sanai go through the same thing. I'm sure he knows what he's dealing with and has experience helping others recover from the same surgery. I'm sympathetic to Farmer John. I didn't see him complain as much as I saw him being bored. He's a TV kind of guy and not so much a reader. That's OK -and- he can crochet!

What I saw and what I think really helped him the most was 'goat therapy'. He loves those goats and surely received healing energy and love returned by all of them.

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Connie Wedding

I love you guys! I have loved every episode, and I think your show is a breath of fresh air for television! I have read some of the comments about Farmer John crying over the goats, and I think he is great. I am the same way over my cats. Animals deserve our love and care, and he is wonderful to let it be shown that he is emotional over his animals. EVERYONE should be. It would be a much better world. Brent, has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like Roddy McDowell in his younger days??? Anyhoooo….I just found this site, so I am going to look at the rest of it and see your products and all….. I just wanted to say hello and tell you how much I like the show. Blessings to you all.

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Allison

RainLily, I agree, how lucky was farmer John to have Dr. Brent tending to him?! With that said, FJ gets fewer goats for that move …

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John Black

well I think this episode has spawned the most comments so far….. glad more and more are discovering the show, this site and the joys of goats.

And I still say the boys need a few Corgis

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betty

I vote "yes" for the f-bombs. This show/blog is not too sophisticated for a solid f-bomb once in awhile.

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Nathaniel Shell in Dallas TX

Come on everyone, lighten up a little and move on from being nasty to each other. This is a really fun show and a fun blog so let’s keep it that way. It has been such a refreshing cool break from a very hot Texas summer and I for one hope this is not just a short term or summer filler show.
I did time on a farm when I was a kid and have many memories that come back in a fun way. Watching those guys going on with life on a farm is like a breath of fresh air. I don’t think a TV show has ever profiled a gay couple like this before and I for one want more. Keep up the good work.

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Candice Williams

I was so glad to see Farmer John's escape. I think I would have faked my own death to get away from dr brent. And what is up with the no TV's? I expected to see a lot more baby goats. Still the best series this summer.

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Nathaniel Shell in D

Karen, in the South where I live it's called the Bible Belt and to that statement I say a resounding AMEN! Salty words aren't going to hurt you and besides salt brings out the flavor in things. I'm a bit of a saltaholic myself.

Keep the comments coming, I love this!

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Elaine Benes

Oh my, while I have been religiously following Brent and Josh since episode 1, this is the first time I've read James' recaps. Love it. LOVE IT. Especially the eff word, to be honest.

You guys just get better every day. While I am so happy the word is getting out, I'd rather keep you all to myself.

Keep up the good work, James, Brent and Josh!

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Karen

Please don't censor Mr. Frey. He is a hilarious writer and in these trying times we all need a little hilarity. He adds a funny perspective on the goings on at the farm and a little "salty" language never hurt anyone…………5 goats!

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RainLily

I LOVE the show and I wish it were an hour! My husband gets to hear me say daily how I need dairy goats. 😀

OK, maybe it’s just me, but I thought Farmer John came across a little ungrateful toward Brent after his hip surgery. Cooking is the way I show love to people so the soup comment was a little harsh.

…I know, reality shows aren’t really real, but Brent REALLY looked hurt when John left!

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Alan

Greetings from the middle of New South Wales in Australia. I staggered in from a hard week at work tonight, grabbed a glass of wine and flicked on the TV. There were the Fabulous Beekman Boys. You guys are outrageous. I love it. Dunno what episode we're up to….the lama was pretending to be sick and you feed it willow ? But I'm hooked….you crazy queens

xxx

Alan

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Allison

My 1st tweet (?) :-O Speaking of the f word, not sure wtf I’m doing … lol. Anywho, I say Farmer John gets 5 goats all day long. And so does everyone else. Love this show!

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John Black

Thanks Nathaniel…

Joe… oy vey get a life and if one is going to be a critic edit yourself before hitting that post button… uhhhh hmmmm it's EIGHTH grade not EIGHT.. so lighten up, go with the flow and enjoy life, it's too short and too bitchy as it is anyway…

I had a brain fart earlier and decided I think Doc Brent needs a Dog to keep him company while Hot mess Josh is in the city…..

Hmmmm lets see one drag queen one Martha pyscho and weepy farmer and now we find out a hottie bf

I say they need a Pembroke Welsh Corgi……….

Besides they are natural herders.

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Joe

You have a first class website read by all ages. The foul language in the review, not good. The piece reads like an eight grade paper.

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Nathaniel Shell in D

F bomb or no F bomb, I don't care. This was so funny and I laughed out loud when I read it. This is such a great show and I love all the commentary too.

I had to agree with John Black, Farmer John and all the blubbering is a little to much. 1 Goat

Butch it up Missie!

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Paula

I don't think Amy is trying to stifle Mr. Frey…. all she said was that it was in poor taste for THIS site. A little criticism shouldn't hurt his feelings.

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Andre Jones

LOL, I don't mind words to express a feeling, especially if the content is good. The review is good and it is funny. But to segment every part of Beekman 1802 seems unfair. If the last part were the first part, would it have changed your opinion.

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Bob Jackson

James…keep the F bombs coming sir. It's a free country with freedom of speech. Fuck is a word and as such is neither good nor bad. People who don't like your words should not read your blogs. I love your words and blogs and books. I love your goat system. Thank you for your contributions to the literary world. Your books will be required reading for many. Hooray for creative and independent folk.

Bob Jackson in Houston

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John Black

OK loved the show, loved the goats, loved the commentary, and LOVE the word fuck. It is a valid word made bad only by the people that use it, it's all in the context….. and dang James you are cuter every time I look at your pic. And I bet you can imagine what I wish I could do to ya 😉

Oh and for the record negative goats to John and the Blubbering… I mean really mary BUTCH it up…

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Judith

Love Brent & Josh and this show along with everything..goats, farmer John etc. Hate the F word though..not in good taste…

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Dr. Brent

ok, yes, Josh and I don't use language as salty as James, but we love his writing and appreciate his candor. Who we are we to censor?!

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Amy

I totally agree with Phyllis. The blog is fun reading but I think it would be better without the 'F-bombs'. Actually I was a little shocked to read it on the Beekman Site. It's in bad taste.

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Mim

I agree with Phyllis as far as the "F" word. I enjoy reading your articles but not the "F" word.

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Andre Jones

Tee shirt, and can I guess boxer shorts? You don't have to have potty mouth to get your point across.

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Robin

I sooooooo look forward to your perspective after each episode. Although I live in the midwest, our perspectives are pretty much identical….we may as well be watching this show on the same couch. Great stuff! Thanks for sharing! Robin

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Andre Jones

Phew, I guess he was quite through. Hardly anything starts out like "Water for Elephants" give me a break!

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Phyllis

OK, yell at me–nice article just doesn't need any variations of F*** word. Farmer John helping with the delivery deserved FIVE goats. Farmer John crying, FIVE goats. F bombs? NO goats!

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